I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
