There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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