I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
