Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
