Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
