They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This toilet bowl is my home.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
