Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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