well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
