just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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