Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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