I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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