i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
