a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
