In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
