If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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