Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
