FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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