A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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