A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
