My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
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No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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