why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
