Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
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Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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