Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
