Need sex. Gaining weight.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
