YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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