I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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