God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
