Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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