he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
