He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
