If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
