The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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