i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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