Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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