His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
