Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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