I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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