I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Semen is not good for contacts.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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