I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
