I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
