I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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