why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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