My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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