I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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