everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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