Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize