I want you more than these girls want KFC
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
