I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
