just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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