when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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