Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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