Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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