He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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