so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
