goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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