I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
honey bunches of taint.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
