She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
