I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
