I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
