absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Pants are for mortals
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
