i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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