If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
