When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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