take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
