Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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