I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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