Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
