I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
