also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
