Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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