Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
