I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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