I saw his package. It spoke to me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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