he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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