I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
