I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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