shes about as inviting as chlamydia
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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