so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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