Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
