Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
