I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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