there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They have beer where we have blood.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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